How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
