i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
