3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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