I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
