my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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