You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
