he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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