they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Found the puke drawer
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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