its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
