His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
