batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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