you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
