My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
