So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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