I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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