My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
