Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
