Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself