Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.