you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.