He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
