Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction