My first STD was from a foam party
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.