I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
