i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
