You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
