This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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