escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
