ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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