i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
