he thought i was a dude.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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