I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
