So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
