I want to have your abortion
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
