Just fell off a train. Bad.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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