somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.