I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
