So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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