I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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