I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
