At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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