ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
