so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
