he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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