everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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