So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My pussy is not your playground.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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