i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
