she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
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