Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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