two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
