let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize