I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
