You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
