I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
