I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize