Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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