i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
