I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
