my being single is dangerous.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize