apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
