I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
