At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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