Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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