My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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