if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
