Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.