Apparently you make a good broom.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.