I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
