Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful