Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?